The Atheocracy

I’ve moved

So I’ve discovered, while Tumblr is probably the way to go for many people, there are just too many features it lacks for me to stick with it. So I’ve moved the operation over to WordPress, where you can find all my usual witless commentary. My new URL is http://atheocracy.wordpress.com. Please update your bookmarks and ass tattoos accordingly.

Dawkins “Delusion” (Round 733)

Yes, it’s another supernatural faith-based hack bristling at Richard Dawkins’ assertion that he’s, well, a supernatural faith-based hack. This time, it’s an astrologist (or is it “astrologer”? “Purporter of Astrology”?) who is calling Dawkins out for basically claiming astrology is just another money-making scheme, an evidence-less wannabe-science presented under the guise of being a true way of life.

Generally, I believe most of this religious and quasi-religious junk was borne out of a desire for its founders to control an uneducated population by means of giving them a reason to stay in line (“You have such a nice soul; you wouldn’t want to lose it to some red dude with a pitchfork, would you?”). This wasn’t necessarily a bad reason at the time. Something very well may have been needed. Soon, the people in charge realized they could derive a lot of power through leading these people, and opportunists began saying, “Hey, if I say I’m a prophet, my followers will shower me with myrrh.” This is where it began to be about accumulating wealth (now, tax-free wealth in America), and the followers just keep coming.

Astrology came in on the tail end of this. It’s only about making money. It’s on the same line as fortune telling, palm reading and 900 numbers with a hairy guy who can raise his voice particularly high on the other end of the line. There is, however, at least one thing with which I can agree with the author of the linked story.

“I object, however, to being bracketed with such ‘enemies of reason’ as religious fundamentalists and conspiracy theorists, whom I dislike quite as much as the professor. But The Dawk sees enemies everywhere: chanting hippies, doughty dowsers, internet surfers - all are helping ‘undermine civilisation’.”

Indeed, astrologists shouldn’t be lumped in with religious fundamentalists or conspiracy theorists. While wildly silly, astrology is still operates under a more believable concept than most major religions. I’m more likely to agree the billions of stars in potentially infinite space has some control over our day-to-day lives than I am to believe there’s an invisible man in the sky whose zombie son saved my soul.

(Thanks to Pharyngula for the link tip)

No gay weddings nor a funeral

PZ Meyers talks about that Dallas-area church that canceled a funeral for a Navy officer once they realized he had been gay. Undoubtedly because they think he was just faking it in order to draw them into his tangled, lube-covered web. Then, just as the service was heating up with inevitable chants about his hell-bound soul, he would leap out of his coffin and convert the Christians to gayness with his godless, perky little ass. The following Sunday, church would be nothing but a God-hating orgy.

It’s true. Deny it at your peril.

Top five hopefully soon-to-be-obscure celebrities

In honor of tonight’s inevitably epic Comedy Central Roast of Flavor Flav, I decided I should put together my list of the five currently popular celebrities I most hope will quickly fade into complete obscurity before I’m forced to put a hit out on them.

5. M. Night Shyamalan

4. Rachael Ray

I stand by my statement that she’s a bottom-feeding troglodyte, despite the fact that I have no idea what that means. Even I, who watch the Food Channel about as much as I watch Lifetime, can’t seem to avoid her annoyingly perky smile (or her equally perky, but much less annoying, boobs). She has a magazine, several endorsement deals, 43 TV shows and a sexy spread in FHM. She needs to either start fading away quickly or jump directly into some shady porn enterprise.

3. Anyone labeled “former American Idol winner/finalist/slut”

That’s Kelly Clarkson. She started this whole conga line of American Idol contestants who have invaded our fair nation. I think they’re forming an army, and we must stand firm against this assault on our freedoms. If they all were crushed into powder underneath the weight of their own outlandish dreams tomorrow, no tears would be shed by this heathen.

2. Paris Hilton

I know I’m not alone on this one. She’s basically impossible to listen to whenever she opens her mouth, and I’m really not sure she’s nearly attractive enough to warrant all the masturbatory attention she receives. Yeah, guys, she gave a dude head on film. That doesn’t mean you’re next in line.

1. Will Smith

Yeah, everybody likes him. I say, screw his Jiggy ass. He wants to be an actor, some sort of body builder, rapper, and he wants to make sure you know he doesn’t have to cuss in his raps to sell records. He keeps making blatant outlandish attempts to win an Oscar, including making his own son his co-star in a sob-fest designed to do nothing but cloud the Academy’s judgment with its own eye-gorging tears. Nobody ever says a bad word about this guy, but I’ll gladly be the first. The day he moves back to Philly and stops waving his “Look at me! I’m your friendly, neighborhood rapper/actor” act in front of our faces, the better off all self-respecting humans will be.